C++

I am probably dying
I might not be dying

For every loss of attention to detail
There is a hyper focus on a child’s art and the beauty of little things like cat toe pads sketched on canvas with charcoal and intricate attention to detail

For every abscessed tooth
There is a cute relative who laughs just right
at all the wrong jokes in front of people like the aunt who doesn’t appreciate jokes like that

For every degenerated disk
There is a hammock in the sun and faith in next summer when there will be pool floaties to fall off of and accidentally show your way-past-middle-aged ass while you laugh gin-soaked chlorinated water up your nose

For every COPD wheeze
There is a cool breeze and courage it will not turn cold and bring on the cough because even though winter is hell the silence of snow is heaven and it is really something when the streetlights shine and the stars are on the ground where you can touch them

For every cough
There is a breath and bravery there will be another and another and another and all that sixth grade biology keeps working its magic of cellular respiration as if life went on forever just a little while longer

For every positive result
There is a posibility it is false with a side of hope there are not things growing that should not grow because even though life is rarely fair and luck is not real and fate is an ass, sometimes it is and it is and it isn’t

For every suicidal thought that ever occurred at any time for however long
There is an apology

Because although I am not dying today
I am probably dying